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nostalgic labyrinth

my magical world

Doing what I do best
 Here I am, final exam in nine hours. I am lying in bed still with two more chapters to read. I am not motivated in this class at all. I just can't help it but feel that psychology is such a worthless subject. Well, maybe that's over-generalizing. I guess more specifically, psych 100. After taking four years of biology, I guess re-learning the dumbed down version of everything that I have learned is not as exciting. This course is dumbed down in two ways: (1) arts faculty way of teaching science, (2) first year course. For example, I have now officially learned the nervous system for the 900th time in my life. Here's a certain blurb from my text: molecules are prevented from travelling by a sort-of filtrating mechanism in which it reaches a little wall with little holes which only allow little molecules to pass on by. It is not a little wall with little holes... it is a semi-permeable membrane. It is not molecules, they are neurotransmitters. GOD. 

question to you all
what is a friend? honestly i have a hard time applying this. i think its hard for most of you to apply this also.


sometimes it feels like my bf is my only friend and even that he pisses me off so much.
and asif. asif is the only one that talks to me and does not only contact me when he needs something.

catty, petty, bailers, non-responders, uncaring, bossy, manipulative, use people
that pretty much sums up all of my friends.

also i have mono if anyone wants to know not that anyone cares anyways.

update update!
 So that update kinda never happened, but long story short: I'm really happy with Guy D now : ) <33333

(no subject)
Everyone is a fuckin' drama queen nowadays.
i have so much drama in my life that i don't need you to add more drama to mine thank you very much.
if you are not pleased with something, why don't you just say it to my face or just stop hanging out with me.
You guys don't have to pretend to be my friend.
I don't enjoy sitting here wondering who i've upset, why they are upset, why they are being bitchy, why they are not talking, why they are giving me attitude?
Give me a break.
If it's not because of me, don't take it out on me.
If it's because you're having a rough day, don't take it out on me.
If it's because of someone else, don't take it out on me.
If it's because you are tired, don't take it out on me.
Because, i will not talk to you.
I already live with a person who takes their anger out on me on a daily basis, I don't need more people doing that to me. People that I've done nothing to.
I can't do anything about the person i live with, but i can do something about you.
Never talking to you again.

I don't need no fake friends.

I rather have no friends than a bunch that makes me stressed.

My mom comes home the other day, in tears.
And not just a few;
a river...no, a sea of tears.
I don't even know why.

I'm living in a soap opera.
How do you escape?

Rescue me.

the puzzle pieces won't fit right
it doesn't take a lot to break me.
enough, i'm hopping onto the next train.
there are possibly many adventures waiting out for me.

Spoiled Milk
I'm so frustrated. I have today and tomorrow to study for my organic chemistry exam, but things keep happening.

I'm really bothered by the fact my family continues to drag me into their sea of problems. My mother keeps questioning the fact that I'm hiding things from her. She comes in bawling today, asking if she should give up her marriage. What am I supposed to say? I don't know. I told her to not overthink things, and do what her heart tells her to. But she keeps questioning me what dad has discussed with me. I don't know, I don't know. What should I do? What should I do?

I want to be out of this, that's what I want.

My life spiralssssss downhill encore.

Life Sucks. People Suck.

Life is Confusing.
Life is confusing. People are confusing. I am confusing.
I am confused.

I am also fucked for my finals. Can't wait til the 16th for my freedom.


I've decided that my livejournal is pretty emo. HAH. So now it's time for a HAPPY POST. 

Christian Siriano is seriously my new favorite gay. I apologize to Marco, but i don't think he's not as FIERCE as Christian. haha. (i hope he never reads this) Instead of studying, i would just continuously replay the youtube video of "Christian Siriano's Fiercest Moments." OMG, I LOVE HIM. I also want to take him home. He shall be my new gay friend. *squeels* 

J'ai echoue toute mes examens aussi. I think i have issues. I can't seem to, you know, study anymore. I just bum around, go on youtube, livejournal (hence now) and.... basically i don't know what im doing. All I know is i always end up sitting on my bed here at 12 and starting to study til like 4. I'm nocturnalllll. :( le tear. 

I miss my buddies :( they dont talk to me anymore, but thats ok, ive got buddies here too. So don't worry guys, im not gonna emo it out this time. *cuts wrist* lol jk. 

Technically I'm supposed to be studying/ finishing for chem lab. Well, surprise surprise. I suckfatass. 

i've also decided that i probably shouldn't smoke anymore. *probably* It's not like i'm addicted, but i don't know why no one believes me. i don't even smoke that often. I haven't smoked in like a month guys. I have 0 withdrawl symptoms, how can i be addicted. :( 

no happy ending.

Everything has taken a turn once again. I can only wear a mask and hide everything.
What can I do?
I try so hard, yet nothin seems to change.
Sometimes i'm so envious of everyone else. Born happy. But if you didn't read this today, you guys probably wouldnt know that behind this mask is sadness. It's not my fault, but why am i dragged into this? 
It's your fault, you should fix it. Its not my job to clean up your mess. 
If anything happens, I will never forgive you.

My stomache feels queezy.

Each atom has a defined geometry
its better not to be too hopeful. i give up.